BDSM: A Complete Guide

BDSM means a combination of various sexual activities. The major sub-groupings are: Bondage (B), Bondage & Discipline (B&D), Domination & Submission (D&S, DS, D/S) & Sadism & Masochism (or Sadomasochism) (S&M, SM). In BDSM, partners take on unequal complementary roles known as Submissive(sub) and Dominant(dom) roles respectively. However it is important to note, submissiveness is purely for recreational purposes. These roles are also referred to as Top and Bottom. Often the female-specific terms “mistress”, “domme” or “dominatrix” are used to describe a dominant woman. Anyone who can change between top/dominant and bottom/submissive roles is known as a switch.

The Basics

To begin with, all BDSM activities are agreed upon (often known as “safe, sane and consensual” , SSC) between the Dom and the Sub. This occurs during a specific period of time known as “play”, a “scene”, or a “session”. Often times these activities take place in what is known as a Dungeon or in a night club allowing such activities.

BDSM play is usually structured such that it is possible for one partner to withdraw his or her consent at any point during a scene; for example, by using a safeword that was agreed on in advance. Use of the agreed safeword (or occasionally a “safe symbol” such as dropping a ball or ringing a bell, especially when speech is restricted) is seen by some as an explicit withdrawal of consent. Failure to honor a safeword is considered serious misconduct and could even change the sexual consent situation into a crime. For other scenes, particularly in established relationships, a safeword may be agreed to signify a warning rather than explicit withdrawal of consent; and a few choose not to use a safeword at all.

Types of BDSM

  • Animal roleplay-One of the partners plays’ the role of an animal.
  • Breast torture-Application of pain using clamps to the breasts.
  • Cock and ball torture (CBT)-a sexual activity involving the application of pain or constriction to the penis or testicles. This may involve directly painful activities, such as genital piercing, wax play, genital spanking, squeezing, ball-busting, genital flogging, tickle torture, erotic electrostimulation or even kicking. The Sub may receive direct physical pleasure via masochism, or emotional pleasure through erotic humiliation.
  • Erotic electrostimulation-a sexual practice involving the application of electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body, with particular emphasis on the private parts, using a power source for purposes of sexual excitement.
  • Edgeplay– Activity that takes a sexual encounter to the very edge of your psychological limits.
  • Flogging
  • Golden showers (urinating)
  • Human furniture– a form of bondage usually involving the subject being tightly bound and expected to stay immobile for a prolonged period.
  • Shibari-a Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves tying a person up using simple yet visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope (often jute, hemp or linen and generally around 6 mm in diameter, but sometimes as small as 4 mm, and between 7–8 m long).
  • Medical play
  • Play piercing– is body piercing that is performed for sexual pleasure rather than an aesthetic result. The items used to piece a subject during play piercing are removed at the end of each session and the wounds are allowed to heal. The needles placed in the skin during a play piercing session are typically just there for that session.
  • Predicament bondage-is a form of bondage, typically in which a person is restrained with the option of placing themselves in one of a pair of uncomfortable positions. The default position is typically intended to cause muscle fatigue, such as standing on tiptoe, which forces the subject to choose a more physically painful position, for example letting themselves lower their weight and stand regularly while forcing a rope attached to their genitals to pull taut and cause pain.
  • Pussy torture-a sexual activity involving the application of pain or pressure to the pussy.
  • Sexual roleplay-a BDSM activity involving the application of pain or pressure to the vulva or vagina.
  • Spanking-act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties. It may involve very light and brief spanking or much more extensive spanking, including the use of implements such as whips or paddles. Activities range from a spontaneous smack on bare buttocks during a sexual activity, to occasional sexual roleplay, such as ageplay, to domestic discipline and may involve the use of a hand or the use of a variety of spanking implements, such as a spanking paddle or cane.Erotic spankings are commonly combined with other forms of sexual foreplay. The most common type of erotic spanking is administered on the bare buttocks, but can also be combined with bondage, in order to heighten the sexual stimulation of the experience.
  • Suspension-a bound person is hung from one or more overhead suspension points.
  • Tickle torture-an activity between consenting partners. A torture session usually begins with one partner allowing the other to tie them up in a position that exposes bare parts of the body, particularly those that are sensitive to tickling.The object of the bondage is to render the victim unable to remove themselves from the tickling, as well as rendering the ticklish areas of the victim vulnerable. The victim is usually bound in a sitting or lying position rather than a standing one as to expose the soles of the feet which are often among the areas upon which tickling is inflicted. The restraint of the arms above the head leaves the upper body and underarms susceptible to the tickling.
  • Wax play

B.D.S.M.

Bondage

This is the practice of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation. A Sub may be physically restrained in a variety of ways, including the use of rope, cuffs, bondage tape, or self-adhering bandage. The main feature of sexual bondage is that it renders the restrained person vulnerable to a variety of sex acts, including some that they may be inhibited from otherwise engaging. The Sub is dependent on their sexual satisfaction on the actions of their Dom, who may treat the restrained Sub as their sex object. The various types of bondage are:

  • Torture Bondage
  • Film Bondage
  • Decorative Bondage
  • Purposeful Bondage
  • Shibari

Discipline, Dominance, and Submission

Discipline is where the top gives guidelines to the sub that they are expected to follow. Breaking them results in disciplining the Sub. The main purpose of the rules are:

  • Make Sub know how they should behave.
  • Remind Sub of their inferior status.
  • To train a novice sub.
  • Make Sub learn self-restraint and become better in the future.

Dominance and submission (also called D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs, and rituals involving the submission of one person to another. A Dominant can have several Subs at the same time or vice versa. There are various variations of D/S.

D/s participants often refer to their activity as “play”, with an individual play session being called a “scene”. In addition to “dominant” and “submissive”, a “switch” is a person who can take either role. A scene between two switches can involve trading off the dominant and submissive roles, possibly several times. In contrast, the terms “top” and “bottom” refer to the active (agent) and passive (patient) roles, respectively. In a given scene, there is no requirement that the dominant also be the top, or that the submissive be the bottom, although this is often the case.

Typical D/S always follow a certain routine like below:

  • Consent– This is where consent and non-consent terms are outlined. Consent can either be written( “Dungeon negotiation form” ) or Verbal. Non-consent is given with the intent of it being irrevocable under normal circumstances.
  • Contract– For long terms, the type of contract drawn is called a slave contract. This can be followed by a collaring ceremony where the Sub wears a collar akin to wearing a ring after a marriage ceremony, with a ring “O” for attachment though not always necessary. Collars can also be Ankle Bracelets.
  • Facilities-Some people maintain a special room or area, called a dungeon, which contains special equipment (shackles, handcuffs, whips, queening stools, and spanking benches or a Berkley horse, for example) used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club( for a list of BDSM Clubs near you contact us.)

Sadism and Masochism

Also referred to as SadoMachism. Sadists enjoy giving pain and masochists enjoy receiving it, so pain is incorporated into sexual acts for people who engage in S&M. Pain ranges from very soft, like open palm slapping, to heavy impacts, etc.

BDSM is a sexual fetish enjoyed by various people either curious or just practitioners whatever your sexual satisfaction is always practice safe sex.

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